Partner Checklist

ChecklistWhenever I am asked why I am still single my response is always, “I have not yet met the right person.” What is the right person for me let’s see…..

Person has to be

  • Smart
  • Intelligent
  • Understanding
  • Patient
  • Forgiving
  • Fun to be around
  • Courteous
  • Honest
  • Trustworthy
  • Good looking
  • And the list goes on

The problem with having a check list is how it is almost impossible to meet a person who satisfies every requirement. Check lists are as a result of my insecurities and shortcomings. They are influenced by my fear of rejection and the conceived idea of a perfect relationship. Sometimes I meet people worthy to be in a relationship with but my blinkers of perfectionism prevent me from opening up my heart. My checklists have made me realize my selfishness. I always think of what I expect to benefit from a relationship. Relationships have assumed the image of an employment contract where the applicant has to meet certain specifications to be considered.. There is nothing wrong with setting standards and having expectation in life. The problem is always when the expectations are unrealistic.

However the major weakness with my checklist has been how I did not include my expected contribution to the relationship. I went through my checklist to check if I met all the desired qualities i am expecting my partner to have. Bang!! I did not even have half of the qualities. In other words I was expecting someone to give what I could not reciprocate. I have therefore decided to embark on a journey to a mind-set shift. Its difficult to do away with checklist when you are in the habit of it. I have decided to shift my focus. My new check list now comprise of what I hope to invest into my relationship, for example

I promise to be

  • selfless
  • loyal
  • forgiving
  • understanding
  • loving
  • trustworthy
  • patient
  • considerate
  • accommodating
  • open to new ideas

In return, I expect my partner to be my best friend. One person I would long to listen to how their day went and always be there when they need me. The relationship should be an adventure to discover each other’s worst and best. I should be willing to accept what I cannot change, and help them become a better person in their areas of wanting. Above all I should understand that my partner, like me is only human and is as vulnerable as anyone else to make mistakes.

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