Something stupid…..

I have to say that was an emotionally enganging and intensive night that gave me a headache. When I got home my sister on the first glimpse said, “who is the girl. This time you are  not getting away with it. I can tell that you are smitten.” I then quickly dismissed her before my even more inquisitive brothers’ attention was drawn. Just then he called and luckily my phone was on vibration so i excused myself by volunteering to lock the gate but I could tell that my sister was fighting off the urge to follow me because she heard the phone vibrate. When I was no longer within ear shot I answered the phone. He sounded sweet and sincere as he sang the following lines from something stupid.

“then afterwards we drop to a quite place and have a drink or two

And though its just a line for you to me its true and never seemed so right. Before i sleep

I practise everynight to find some clever lines to make the meaning come true,”

Then he wished me a goodnight. I did not sleep that night as I battled with my emotions and conscience. I had never felt like this before for a person but I knew I was playing with fire. Then I saw the image of his beautiful wife and tears started flowing on my cheeks. She was so beautiful and innocent and did not deserve all this. Her crime was to unknowing love and give her heart to a guy who now appeared head over heels over another guy. I thought of how devastating it will be for her to find out that her husband was cheating let alone with another guy. I imagined the insecurity and worthlessness she would feel asking what she did wrong. I could see their sweet children’s future being destroyed because their father loved another guy. I then visualised the sorrow on my mother’s eyes figuring out where she went wrong and how she thought she had taught me well not to be gay let alone break someone’s marriage. I got off my bed and sat on the cold floor and started weeping. I wanted to kill myself. I wanted to end my life at that point. I asked many questions which I never got answers to. Just then my phone started vibrating again. It was him. I tried ignoring it. After three missed calls I answered. He then said he couldn’t sleep thinking of me. Then he repeated that he loved me and though its just a line to me its true and never seemed so right before. I was quiet, completely dumbfounded. He then said it hurt him that I had not said I loved him back but he said he was not going to force it out of me but will be be patient until when I really felt the same way. He then said goodnight and hung up. I just sat there staring into the darkness . My mind was completely blank. Before I knew it it was already dawn and time for me to prepare for school…..



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