Conditional love

 

I opened up to three people all straight and found their reactions interesting. One was a liberal guy and was impressed by how open minded he was. This made it easier for me to open up to him which I later on regretted doing. At that moment they were reassuring and I felt the weight on my chest just disappearing. When I went home I was ecstatic and felt I was the luckiest person in the world to have such a friend. The following day he must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed. He stopped responding to my calls and texts. Whenever we met he would now ceremoniously greet me and rush to the closest person. He was suddenly busy and never had time until he just drifted away. That was a huge blow. I hated myself and everyone. I was almost on the verge of taking my life because I could imagine how my hard-core homophobe family and friends would react if they were to find out. Luckily someone came along. We naturally became friends and it was wonderful. I developed feelings for him and indirectly brought up the issue and he mentioned he had friends like me. I then told him everything and he found the fact that I was attracted to him as a compliment. However he was as straight as an arrow but anyway ever since we have been best friends. He is the person who first knows my crushes and takes time to listen and gives me sensible advice. Most people find it odd for a straight person to be so accommodative of a gay person. The last straight person I opened up to was well, I seem not able to describe him well. We had been friends for a long time and we talked about girls most of the time and always used the excuse of being too busy to date. He tried to hook me up with a few hot dates but well I could not give them what they wanted. I really felt that by keeping my secret I was betraying him because he always opened up to me about everything. When I eventually opened up to him he was shocked because I did not apparently look or act gay though I could easily be picked up with someone with a gaydar. However he said we can still be friends and wanted to help me change. The honest truth is I know that he means well and he knows how my sexuality is stressful to me. My only question is what if I am not cured…..I have spent all my life looking for that cure but never found it and decided to accept who I am. I just wonder how patient he will be till he deserts me…. It is quite said that the so called unconditional love does not seem to apply to gay people….. Such is life…

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